Do you still have your period?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Randomize
