Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
