Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
