Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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