SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My ATM looks so different sober.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
