I'm jealous of your bromance
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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