so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
