I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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