I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
