I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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