So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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