But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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