He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
