I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
