I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
