I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
