I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
