I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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