six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize