Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
