I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't put those talents on a resume
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
