I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
