I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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