no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He better not be in your backpack
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
