you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
