I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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