Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
