You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
