I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
