do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
