the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
