Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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