I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
