obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize