Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
