I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
