i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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