You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
3 2 1 whiskey
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