So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize