Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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