You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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