I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
