We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
