honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
