My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
