Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
