Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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