dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
