how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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