I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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