Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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