I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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