I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
