I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
