It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Bring me that man meat
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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