yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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