Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
