Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
