guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
