So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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