when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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