if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
