oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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