she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
