its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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