Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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