I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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