Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
