At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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