Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I just put wine in my tea
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
