I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
